Diet · Training

Stereotypically Speaking…

Stereotypically speaking, there are so many different types of gym-goers. Let’s touch on a few today, shall we?

The prettiest girl who ever broke a sweat.

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I take that back. She doesn’t sweat. She sparkles. She comes to the gym all dewy faced and looking like she was kissed by the sun. She also leaves the gym in the same condition. She’s like a gym goddess. A level of perfection that we lowly, ratty-haired ladies will never attain. Her workout? Working the room like a runway. She probably drinks her kale smoothie right after finishing up a light strut on the treadmill.

The prettiest guy who ever broke a sweat.

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This is the yin to the “prettiest girl’s” yang. This guy also likely has better hair than you do. He spends at least an hour in the bathroom BEFORE coming to the gym- showering, shaving to the tips of his toes, and creating the perfectly tousled coif. He leaves a scent trail of his favorite cologne wherever he goes, but you won’t need to follow the scent to find him. Just look for the nearest mirror. He is the gym selfie king. He’s flexing in his tiny tank and checking his hair in the mirror between each set. You will always find him near the dumbbells because bicep curling is his top priority.

The Cardio Bunny.

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This person is a creature of habit. Aerobics on Monday, Spinning on Wednesday, and Zumba on Friday. They fill the other four days of the week in with countless hours logged on the elliptical or treadmill. They don’t discriminate against any cardiovascular activity. They do, however, have a severe allergy to iron. Like anaphylactic severe. They cannot pick up dumbbells, barbells, or touch equipment that is made mostly of this element. They may also hire a trainer to help them “tone up”, but will promptly quit the program when said trainer suggests decreasing cardio activity or adding in weight training. As if?!

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The Gainster.

This person has stellar gym attendance. You might even find them there suffering through two-a-days. Their headphones are always in, and they have no time for small talk. They are getting sh*t done. They have goals to reach and they can’t be sidetracked. It’s your birthday and you invite them to the celebration? Sorry, they can’t. It’s leg day. Your grandma made her famous chocolate chip cookies? Sorry, they can’t. Do you even meal prep, bro? They are taking names and making serious gains. Bro.

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Kim K’s Sister.

This chick can turn any piece of equipment into a glute machine. She works her booty any day that ends in ‘y’ and she will proudly post the selfies to prove it- #bootywerk . Her wardrobe consists of leggings, leggings, and more leggings. You will not catch Kim K’s sister sweating it out on the treadmill. She knows that the road to a big booty begins at the squat rack. She might refer to her booty as #cake, and you can bet your small a$$ that she’s got thousands of instagram followers.

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The Biggest Loser.

This person is always signing up for some challenge or competition. Biggest loser? Been there. Spartan Race? Done that (and has the t-shirt to prove it). The 6.25 day juice cleanse, the 22.5 day fix, the 123 day squat challenge, or the raspberry green coffee concoction from the afternoon talk show- You guessed it. They’ve done it. You can sometimes find this person riding the recumbent bike with a gallon Gatorade in hand (please reference earlier post on why this is bad if you don’t already know). They will try any method out there to lose weight (minus diet changes), and then lament to you over margaritas and endless chips and salsa on how they just can’t figure out why they aren’t losing weight.

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Disclaimer: This is sarcasm at it’s finest. If you choose to take this seriously, then I’m sorry that you have no sense of humor. Go and find some, then return please.

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